A True Story: A Page out of my life in Saudi Arabia, by Belinda Baardsen, Art, by Belinda Baardsen, Wind Drinker, Artist for Animal Rescue

A True Story: A Page out of my life in Saudi Arabia, by Belinda Baardsen, Art, by Belinda Baardsen, Wind Drinker, Artist for Animal Rescue

In the past days and nights I felt like dirt, ill, sick to my stomach, the works, but, after that…

One must do what one must do..

So, today after feeling sorry for myself because I was sick of feeling like thisssss & I’ve got things to do…

I went to the vet & had all of the shots updated for my cats. Just getting to the vet is a sheer act of heroics because first you have to find a taxi that will LET you take animals in their car. Then, you have to direct them because even if you give them the written info in Arabic, they may not be able to read it. Then you have to dial the number to the vets office anyway to get directions even when you know how to get there, but, they won’t listen.

I mean…

proactive is what’s all about, right?

Fight through the bs and you’ll be fine..

Anyway, got there, got it done, came back, and after delivery of furball to the hotel one says, Oh, I must go down stairs and get an ice cream to reward myself for this torture. Get the ice cream, and realize how cheap it is, and how the school has been ripping you off for your ice cream by five riyals – but, you are losing weight – so I say to myself…

Whatever..

Then, you come inside and encounter an angry man…

Yes, they are everywhere…

What’s the trouble?

Can we talk? I need to speak to a woman.

Me in particular?

You are the one who speaks English.

Ok…

So, I listen….

to a long tale of woe about an unexpected commitment of a married couple coming to Saudi for money, with their child, because of a bad South African economy… the stress…the arguments…the break up…the return to Saudi and his wife hands him divorce papers he never saw coming…. they fight, she says, he says, and there is a daughter whose not in school because of paperwork issues… and after listening to him for an hour…

Me?

Who has nothing to do with this at all…

Says…

“You still love her…”

It’s the first time he’s stopped talking – his mouth snaps shut…. hard and his eyes turn inward… by the shock of my comment I can tell he’s thinking and then he says “yes, I am… I did not realize it until now…. but, all of this fighting…I just want her back, but I feel like I’m not a man…. all of these problems…. and I can’t do anything..and the one thing I can do…. I have fought over…not doing…because I want to hurt her back… but, it’s too late, and what do I do?”

Wellll, for one….

stop all of this talking…fighting, screaming at her…

“But, she’s dating another man now…it’s over…”

I started laughing…

No, it’s not, you have a daughter between you, and you and she are going to be together forever…

So if you want her back you need to start doing things to show her you love her..

What can I do?

First, read 5 romance novels… that women read…

What? Why?

Because women read these things looking for the ideal man…

They are cheap awful stories with the same theme: the man I love will treat me like this…

She won’t tell you, but that’s what she wants… that guy in those books…

She wants the perpetual date stuff, but not in the way you think… read them…learn something…

Then, stop sending those nasty emails, and having those nasty conversations…

If you can’t stop yourself – write one – save it – send it to your mother and ask her to read it – then ask her if this would be good to send – then wait for three days – read it again…. would you send it?

If she calls – don’t answer – you are not ready to talk to her.

But, you should send your boss a note asking how you can get your daughter into the country legally – bcc your wife so she sees what you are doing. Then send her an email asking her if you can come and get your daughter for the weekend to help her to destress. It also gives your daughter time with you – seeing the good dad we know you are…

But, I fucked up…

Yes, you did…

But, its not over for you, unless you try…

Try being the man your daughter knows you are….

Try being the man your wife married…

Try being the friend you want to be… because marriage is all about friendship…

Best friends who do everything for their friends find their friend wanting to fuck their brains out, and maybe?

Get back together again – maybe not – but, at least – you will be friends for your daughters sake.

Then he stood up…

I arched my brow to ask…(where are you going?)

He answered the unspoken question.

I’m going to tell my wife I will help her with my daughter.

I love her – I had no idea – until now – until speaking to you – all of this anger…. because I love her..and I had no idea how much until she was gone.

Thank you, he said, and then he was gone.

Well, that was a good version of my life, and then I went to bed very happy with myself.

But, then, I woke up thinking about it…

And telling you about it…

The lesson for me? And there’s always a lesson from other peoples lives for me…

is that …

I heard him because I knew his story…

I knew his story because in a twisted way it was mine…

I wish someone was there to give me this ear and this advice when I needed it in my life of loving, but, no one was, and so, my life rolled like dice across the green.

But, does it have to end there?

I think not because we really can learn from our life lessons, if we choose to listen, when angels come to us in strange places, and strange times, and speak to us of the pain, anger and the wishes of our lives.

I heard his tears, and his love through his rage because I heard myself: my pain, my love..

I also saw the stupidity of being stuck and stupid on the same track out of pride. And maybe he’s right, it’s over, and done with, but, I also heard him saying … can I try again…? Yes, you can…but, do it right, no matter what, winning or losing, you have the memory of being that person you want to be…but, pain stood in the way and you stuck your fat foot in your fat mouth…

So, live, learn, love, laugh, cry, but, at the end of the day, all of those silly posters with words I send you…?

It’s because I’m speaking to you about life, love, simplicity, complexity, and honor…

No matter what…

I tried…

and there is honor in that…

So, if you are trying, there’s honor in that too…

and that’s worth remembering about you…

that you are an honorable person who said some dum stuff because you loved so hard you said and did stupid things in the name of it, but, you can say and do some good stuff too…to get your self respect back…

and that’s worth doing…

for that alone..

Ok, I feel so much better now that I shared how wonderful you are ..

to me..

Now, go out and be the beautiful person I know you are…

and hopefully the little girl in this real life story will get to spend some time with her daddy, and daddy will heal, and feel worth loving again…

xoxo

P.S. and this is a true story… one of many in my life..and I shared it with you because I value you …

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